Reflection on Williams use of Character and Actions

            This revision of a past piece of writing has proven to be the most difficult assignment for me so far this quarter.  I believe it is difficult for everyone to critique his or her own writing especially in such a technical and particular way.  I understand the reasoning behind the way in which Williams wants his readers to write, but I do not find this particular analysis of sentence structure helpful.  

            I have determined, whether it be because of persistent past English teachers, or perhaps the amount of critical writing I have composed but I found the sentences in my excerpt written the way Williams describes before beginning the revision.  Perhaps I should have chosen an older piece of writing, with mine being written just a few months ago, or maybe my pre college education was just very inline with the way the University of Cincinnati has their students taught.  It is also possible that I am just not being critical enough of my own writing and passing up many of the mistakes I should be correcting.  

            There are several sentences which I had to rearrange to fit this particular module of writing style but from my point of view the majority of my sentences were already written with active characters (subjects) performing active tasks (verbs).  A few of the sentence in my piece I was having a difficult time adjusting because as correct as they were to the style of Williams specifications I could not in good conscience leave them in the shambles they became.  “Hughes along with his vision of a new life started this colony.” I find this sentence atrocious and difficult to leave as is because the purpose of the sentence, to tell the reader that Hughes had a vision of the new colony he wanted to start, is not clear by placing all of the emphasis in the subject at the start of this sentence.  I think it was much better written before Williams style was applied to it.  “Hughes started this colony with the hope of securing the life he had been envisioning, regardless of his birthing order.”  This is the original structure of this sentence and Hughes vision is shown in a much clearer way.  The final revised sentence uses the word order of the original with a deletion influenced by Williams. “Hughes started this colony with the hope of securing the life he had been envisioning.”

            This exercise has helped me to become aware of the way my sentences are constructed.  And how a sentence can become much clearer and just as informative by the rearranging of its context as well as the deletion of some of its unnecessary pieces.  I do not believe this to be the most effective way of verbalizing ones ideas but I do understand the reasoning behind the idea.

Here is a link to the original excerpt from my case study for a class titled "Place and Dwelling."  We were to research a place we knew fairly well and discuss how it was impacted by peoples perception of place.  Original Excerpt

And here is a link to the revised version according to Williams, which I view as not written much differently.  First Revision

Finally here is the link to the final version of this rewritten excerpt.  Final Version

Style Narrative

Narrative Reflection

I have grown up taking English classes where the sole purpose of the class was to finish the quarter with as many scholarly sounding documents as possible. I had always though English class was designed to train Americas young to write in the way they had grown up not being able to understand. By having a class such as this quarters 289 where the students do not focus on writing as complex as they can but rather to tell a story or to write a piece the audience enjoys reading it has allowed me to realize writing can be both enjoyable and academic.  The narrative we wrote for class this week allowed me a chance to incorporate a personal story while still growing as a writer.  The narrative I wrote this week, while still focusing on telling an interesting story allowed me to develop a particular voice and continue this voice throughout the piece

My Own "The Way I See It"

The Way I See It:

It is an individual’s responsibility to make his or her own happiness.  It is not an unobtainable goal that should be chased after for eternity, but rather as a way of life that must begin from within. Every story has two sides and daily life is not different.  Strive to make the most out of situations deemed otherwise unbearable and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, even the gloomiest day can still be salvaged.

Starbucks Chat day two

The topic written on our cup we talked about today was about the difference between a promise and a mission.  The idea was that a promise is a more intimate discussion between a smaller group of people where a missions are perceived as a broader statements that encase a large more anonymous crowd.  

A promise is something that becomes an obligation, a event in which you cannot back out of. By making a promise things are ensured to happen, making it much more final and perhaps even scarier.  

A mission on the other hand is something which is applied to a group, like a motto for the way in which they will operate.  It creates an umbrella under which all decisions can be made.  

The group we traded with has written an idea of how this related to the topic of religion and I thought it was interesting both cups our group debated brought up the subject of religion.  I feel in most colleges faith takes a back seat because of the freedom that comes with this new style of life, and it takes students a little while to become accustomed to living on their own before they involve the ideas of religion once again.  It is taught that the subject of religion should be avoided in daily conversation but I feel it is one that should be embraced.  It makes for very in depth interesting conversations and applies to many more people than would be originally thought.  

4-8 Coffee Discussion Day One

Today for our discussion our "The Way I See It" was written about the idea of commitment.  The topic we discussed for this which  I found most intriguing was the stigma that has been associated with the concept of commitment and how it has actually become an oxymoron.  

When speaking in a group of college students, who for the most part have limited life experience, the idea of commitment seems like a daunting task even for deciding what you will have for dinner let alone whether the career you are being prepped for is how you want to spend the rest of you life.  We decided that commitment, although most commonly thought of in terms of relationships, can apply to any area of life, be it love, friendship, work, religion, habits-good or bad.  

The way this concept can be considered two sides of the same idea has to do with the freedom it allows a persons mind.  Before commitment a persons mind is constantly running over the details of any scenario, analyzing each aspect, looking for ways to manipulate and improve the areas in a persons life.  After establishing a connection with a person, place, or belief, one becomes very confident in that aspect of life.  A person will trust fully what they are committed to, allowing all the other worries which clouded their brains before to evaporate.  This is where the contradiction lies.  Commitment is viewed as a scary unending look at the future, a cause of constant worry.  In reality however it does exactly the opposite, creating an area in life that no longer has to be analyzed and stressed over, a foreseeable haven in an otherwise unpredictable world.

Reaction/Response

In allowing students the opportunity to create their own class, during a time in which they are still fully submerged in the academic experience, the opportunity for the creation of very unique classes arises. 

        The class I created was based because of the bubble I perceive as existing around college environments, separating the students from their surroundings.  Creating a class that forces students to  learn about different local regions and also physically visit and explore these areas allowing not only the students enrolled in the course to learn of these regions but also spread the knowledge around campus by word of mouth. 

        The way the syllabus for this imaginary course was written was to intentionally create a document that could be easily understood by the students while still upholding an air of authority.  It is vital that syllabi be comprehendible at first glance or they will never be read.  At the same time however students must be made aware that the professor has knowledge he or she deems worthy of passing to students without seeming a peer to the students. 

         The syllabus I wrote contains the essential idea of the class that I wanted to portray to students but the more technical aspects are lacking from its content.  It is difficult to understand all the details needed in a syllabus having never experienced a class from the administration side.  I was unaware of how to structure the attendance policy or things such as the grading rubric. 

         Writing a syllabus it has provided me with the basis needed for writing documents in the shoes of an administrator.  I have learned how specific and detailed these types of writings must be in order to come across as clear and unquestionable. 

Discovering Cincinnati Syllabus

Discovering Cincinnati Syllabus